I don’t know what my husband wrote his mom about the problems we are having. He could have written to her anything and her response would have been the same. I feel sorry for the man, turning to his mother when deep down he knows that she might the reason behind at least some of his woes. If he had a different mother, he wouldn’t have become this selfish, for instance.
I begged the man to talk to people. So his solution is to talk to his mother. He also told me that he is talking to some “friends”, but his meeting with them never took place. He doesn’t want to talk to me because: “You are the problem”. Please explain to me, how can be the problem, when he is the one who is unhappy? Apparently life has cheated him out of some great prize, or better still I have withheld this great prize from him. Pray tell, how?
Yes, I do talk to people as well, and it is good to be reminded sometimes that he was the one who wanted me back. In fact, he came on so strongly that I bolted and decided that perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea. Admittedly, the timing was in very bad taste, but it was my due for years of emotional abuse. I think it stuck in his craw that I was the one who left him, and it was oh so good of him to want me back despite that, but now he decided that he shouldn’t have let me get away with it a second time.
Well, for me this second time was for keeps, and I promised that I will never leave him again, and I am still good on that promise. When I had this baby with him, it was enough for me. I was no longer interested in anything or anyone else. I discovered that having a family and a baby of my own is all I ever wanted in my life. Now, it is his turn to discover that, this will never be enough for him. To me this clearly translates into: “The man has a problem” not to his crazy accusation that I am the problem. Let’s leave it at that.
In his wallet today I discovered a piece of a newspaper. He had written little notes on it: Wadi Halfa, Knowledge Systems, the button, FARIS, Cockroach for dinner and some other stuff. To anyone else it will sound like rubbish, but I knew all these headings. They are stories from his life that he considers important. I enjoyed listening to them, not because of the brilliant experiences, but mostly because it was obvious how much joy recounting them brought him. His trip to Africa, the company he formed when he came out of college and then sold, some invention he patented, software he wrote and other strange experiences from his travels. This disjointed set of haphazard sketches are the sum total of this man’s life. Fortunately for him, or unfortunately, I could not laugh at the list, I felt deeply and truly sorry. If the notes were near the computer I would have thought that he is putting some email together to his daughter, but I think they are there for a time when he talks to some real people. Some fleeting acquaintances he wants to show off as his non-existent friends. He wants to impress them with these random trophies of an empty life; a life where these sad phrases are desperately trying to hide fundamental flaws. I now know all the flaws, and the stories have lost their sparkle.
He did not need to read off his mother’s response to me. Her concerns were as expected: 1) Money 2) Herself.
She interpreted the problem as financial and her brilliant solution was for me to work fulltime, while he looks after the baby; until such time when he can get a better job. Then she went on about the possibility of him getting pension when he goes back home. Huh? I thought he told her that he was unhappy because he has no life, what does that have to do with money? The problem as he summed it up to me today was: We are living in a rented apartment – and these are things he is totally and completely against (both renting and flat dwelling)- and he does not have space for his hobbies: gardening, and woodwork. And this is actually reason enough for him to break up with me? Aren’t there really any other solutions? Go figure.
His mother ended her mail by saying: “I don’t like this type of messages, now I have another thing to worry about and spend sleepless nights over, like this last night”. Well, now you can stop wondering why he turned out as selfish as he is.