Celebrating Freedom

Apart from marking my son’s 20th month today has other implications for me, and for South Africa.  Today would have been my 10th marriage anniversary and it is also Freedom Day here in South Africa.  It marks the first democratic elections in South Africa in 1994.

Last year at this time I was still living with Jackie and although I was not officially divorced yet, she said to me cynically that from now on I can celebrate freedom on Freedom Day. Only my brain got the joke at that time because my heart was still sore, but today I can say that I am celebrating my freedom.

It took longer than I expected for the feelings to completely die, even as late as January this year the emotions still competed inside me, I wanted at turns to hurt, to impress, to punish and to hurt my ex husband. Now I really do not care anymore and the absence of feeling is such a relief.  In the past weeks he came over a few times and visited with Robert here.  And although this prompted me to put some order in our space,  I felt no obligations whatsoever towards my ex, he was visiting with Robert, not with me, so I mostly ignored his presence.

I am glad that I can live for myself and my son. I have arrived to a space where I am self-sufficient and content. I am proud of what I achieved. I can glance back at my previous life as a married woman without bitterness or sadness, because when I go to sleep and holding my son I know that I am holding everything that ever mattered to me.

Autumn’s Golden Moments

I love autumn, it is a season of quiet and maturity. My trips to the park are becoming more frequent, and I am savouring the time I spend with my son in the golden warm weather.

Yesterday we happened onto two birthday parties in the park. The kids and their nannies were the main guests, and of course a handful of moms and dads completed the picture.
Although we received an invitation to one of them, we remained on the sidelines watching the festivities.

The party went in full swing after singing the traditional “Happy Birthday tooo yoooou” and its Zulu equivalentMine mnandi kuwe = God bless you today”. The nannies broke out in full song, with their harmonious, velvety voices. My heart soared on wounded wings, and I was reminded again, why I love this place. I can relate so much to the African spirit, its capacity for great joy, great anger and great pain – sometimes all at the same time. The women especially fascinate me. I can see the love they bestow on their charges. I can see that they are real mothers to these children from morning till afternoon, Mondays to Fridays. At the same time, they do have their own families. Their own children are perhaps neglected, and left to fend for themselves, it is a hard life. Yet they take whatever joy they can from it. When there is an opportunity for happiness and cheer, however fleeting, they grab it with both hands and embrace it with their hearts. Tomorrow they will go home to face their never ending problems, but today they sang and danced and enjoyed themselves, and lifted my spirit in the process.

The World is Still Okay

At midday today I was labouring up the hill from the supermarket, loaded with packets of groceries in both hands and on one shoulder. It was hot and I was sweating, concentrating only on the road ahead, wanting to get home to my depressed –and depressing- husband.

A man in dirty clothes was sitting in the shade of a tree by the roadside; he mumbled something to me that I wasn’t going to acknowledge. In this harsh city there are so many like him, drunks and vagrants who normally ask handouts. Still I looked back towards him, and his words made sense once I saw what he was on about.

He had said: “Look at my baby ma’am”, and his baby was a sleeping puppy cradled peacefully on his lap. I smiled and said: “What a beautiful baby”, and as I continued my walk I held the picture of the man and the puppy in my mind and my heart, I thought: The world is still OK. or as we say in Arabic الدنيا لسه بخير .

In this cruel and rough country, where a man could kill another for a cell phone, where babies are raped, killed or thrown in garbage bins, there is a scruffy man, who cradles a little dog and calls it his baby. Mercy and kindness still go around, and life is definitely still worth living.

 

The Past and the Future

On Saturday, dad got to ‘wear’ Robert in the carrier. Today it was my turn again, as we took him to the V&A Waterfront. This outing is our favourite because it is very close to our flat, and it takes 10 minutes to get there. It is about the only outing that we can decide to go on spontaneously and without too much planning.

The tourist season is definetely underway, becasue the mall and our usual parking lot were full even on this Tuesday. Of course, the sunny weather also helps, and there were as many tourists enjoying it outside as shoppers inside. Ron and I preferred to walk our usual circuit around the water. Ron was the cameraman this time, while I was the reluctant model. It is funny that whoever has the camera displays much more enthusiams for photos, while the other feels them unnecessary. This time, it was my turn to say: “Enough of these silly photographing”.
But before I finally said that, Robert and I had our pictures taken in front of the Victoria and Alfter Hotel, then next to a trimaran that sailed around the world in record time; and also in front of the seal guarding the entrance of the Table Bay Hotel. One photo had to be reserved to Nelson Mandela and the rest of the Noble Laureates ( FW De Clerk, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and Albert Lithuli). I was posing for Ron’s photo, while a German tourist was also aiming his camera in the same direction. I asked the gentleman whether I should move, but he had already taken his photo. He said: “No problem. You and the baby are already in the photo; It is nicer this way: The past -and he pointed at the statues- and the future”. I thought it was a very nice thing to say.

Robert the South African

At two weeks we are starting to have some good times with Robert. We had breakfast before he woke up, and after he fed we took him shopping in the baby carrier. He was asleep the whole time.
Ron went to gym while I had a quiet time doing more paperwork, and catching up on blog and email. Robert’s birth certificate arrived in the mail today; it is the standard (free) birth certificate, which does not contain much information. It only shows ID number, date of birth and name(s). The full birth certificate which contains the names of the parents takes longer to issue – about six weeks we were told- and this is the one that Robert needs in order to register as a Canadian citizen at the embassy.

We had a special dinner tonight of the lamb chops we bought at the store today, and jasmine rice. The routine of feeding every three hours or so was maintained at night. I normally change baby’s diaper at every night feeding to avoid accidents; this is absolutely non-negotiable in this cold weather. On two occasions I forgot these nightly changes, and both times Robert got himself soaking wet afterwards. While changing his diaper early this morning I noticed that his cord stump has fallen off.

Playing Tourist in Cape Town

It is an absolute hazard to walk Cape Town as a tourist. A hazard to your pocket that is.
Yesterday my colleague Kirsten and I walked out of the office to have a cup of coffee.
It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, but in Cape Town this is not exactly the greatest time to tour the coffee shops on St. George’s Mall. Most shops close by one, and the Mall turns into a silent and empty space, save for a few coffee shops that cater mainly for tourists.
We ventured first to the Gold Museum on Strand Street, but its coffee shop was closed for a function. The museum itself has a collection of exhibits, traditional African gold pieces as I understood from Kirsten; their owner made them available to the public in one of the older buildings on Strand Street. The street is incidentally where we both work.
We marched onwards looking for our cup of coffee, and ended up on the Green Market Square.
Here one of the coffee shops has spilled over its white plastic and metal chairs onto the pavement. A few people were indulging outside while the person working on the take away hutch looked glumly outside. Inside the restaurant a handful of African waitrons and waitresses where swaying to loud African rhythms blaring from stereo loudspeakers, and in true African tradition they continued their merry-making oblivious to the pair of us waiting outside on the empty table. Kirsten turned her head on all this, preferring to watch a group of youngsters, barefooted and scrawny, singing and dancing and drumming for the pleasure of the bored tourists. The youngsters smart as they are in peddling their primitive music, caught on immediately and Kirsten could not resist giving a full five Rand coin to the little girl who had just finished jumping around and doing the split, I had to dig into my wallet as well for a couple of stray coppers ( and one or two silver coins no less).
After a few minutes of being caught between these two conflicting rhythms ( the street dancers on one side and the staff’s choice of hip hop on the other), we decided to move on, especially since we have seen only the backs of the merry waiters at the coffee shop. Oh, maybe we just caught them at a bad time.
In the end we had our coffee, at a small place called Afro Cafe. This place has the uncomplicated feel and colour of the African continent. The plastic table cloths sport the African colours and dance with the brilliance of yellows, reds and greens. The lighting fixtures are made of recycled material, green plastic bottles and red caps among a myriad of other brightly coloured scrap.
Here as well we did not fail to attract the tourists. One guy came to sell us the ‘Big Issue’ a magazine whose sole purpose is to create an income for the people selling it.
Once he sold us one copy he turned to the next customer begging him to buy another one from him, it was the last one he said.
Next came the bead artist, he had wall hangings and key chains, composed of beads threaded on fine wire. The shapes and colours were really amazing and very true to life, I pondered buying a gecko or a chameleon and in the end settled for a plump little aircraft – that was not as well proportioned as the animals, but which I thought would be more practical for me to carry around in a bag.
At one time I actually succeeded in turning the gentle African salesman away, by telling him I worked in this place, I earned my money in Rands, but then I made a mistake of asking him where he came from, and he said from Zimbabwe, and at once I felt his polite admission tug at my heart. How could I resist helping a Zimbabwean brother, whose whole family could be dependent on selling one ornament.
So I came back after this outing, poorer in pocket but richer in experience. I must say Kirsten and I make a terrible pair, she can’t resist buying stuff and she mostly shames me into doing the same.