Author: marobbie

Cruelty – Bitter Medicine Against Bad Karma

~ marobbie ~ 1 Comment

A friend of mine broke up yesterday with her new boyfriend. It wasn’t something that was going on for very long, but the man took it really hard.
Monnie herself is unfazed, she was starting to feel suffocated by the possessiveness of an older guy. I rest my case, it was the story of my life.

Today is the birthday of who will hopefully become soon my ex-husband. I am surprised that I feel nothing. Really, am I numbing my feelings of pain and sorrow over him ? I like to think that I am a kind person by nature, but this time it was my life or his. I chose mine. There was simply no competition. And like once I had my reasons to carry him into my heart, today I have my reasons to shut him completely out of it, and dish out cruelty – there are no maybes in this game : You either want to be with someone, or you don’t.

Somewhere along the road, the vision of us growing old together blurred, and then completely disappeared. Even when we had that short interlude together two months ago, I had problems picturing us together for ever and ever after.

Today I started picking up the pieces of my new life. First was a stop at the traffic department in Green Point.
During our earlier correspondence Ron wrote to me how bad it was and how many trips it took him to get it resolved. His negative attitude made me procrastinate this mission until today.
So I went, carrying my ugly-looking black-and-white pictures with me.
The eyetest was a breeze and so the fingerprints, I thanked the guys for their efficiency. They gave me a pitying smile which I didn’t understand until I faced the 20 metre queue in front of counter No. 8.
I took a deep breath and thought, well I might as well stay. In front of me was a large number of people, which did not seem to be moving at all. The people giving up on what seemed to be an endless wait, lightened it somewhat. Actually, the rate of people leaving the queue to the exit, was much higher than those proceeding to the counter.
Sometime after half an hour or so I started chatting with Mr. Negativity in front of me in the queue – He was going on how he will never pay a fine again, and never apply for another driver’s license. I was just laughing and making jokes with the others in the queue. I yelled Yay, everytime sombody made it to the counter.
It was amazing but this helped a lot. Soon enough there were three windows processing the long queue. I had arrived sometime around 10: 00 and I told Mr. Negativity that we will make it just before twelve, and we did. Maybe it was my imagination, but the moment Mr. Negativity left the queue things started moving faster again.
I could not help but breath I sigh of relief, I was married to a version of Mr. Negativity. It is so draining to be around this sort of person.

At the counter, an efficient woman hammered on the keyboard and gave me presently the bad news that I was expecting from Ron’s report. I was registered at the traffic department with a temporary ID which is the traffic registration certificate. And now since I had a South African ID document, I needed to get the two merged at the civic centre in town.
I took a deep gulp of air, and asked the lady nicely whether there was a queue there as well. Of course she could not give me this information, but gave me directions where to go, and stamped a paper for me so that I can come back straight to her counter and not via the queue. I was so grateful to her I could have hugged her.
I was getting tired, but still I managed to trek up the road to the civic centre probably three kilometres or so. The lady at information asked me about the traffic registration document, which I did not have – and had very little chance of getting anytime soon since it resided with Ron’s papers in East London. Nevertheless, I chose to proceed to the counter and state my case.
After a 10-minute wait I was at the counter. The woman asked about the document but I told her plainly that I was divorced and had very little chance of getting it.
She just sighed and gave me that look. Africans often give it, you don’t know what it means actually.
In the end she did it. Merged my details, changed my address and smiled. I was faint with relief.

I was again at traffic department within 30 minutes, and within five minutes had my temporary driver’s license in my pocket. Life is good, the angels ARE on my side.
Next was a stop at the bank and the shop. I was home at two, a good day’s work.
I accomplished, with patience, honesty and a smile – in half a day, what Ron failed to do over a week of struggling and complaining and fighting with people.
My luck is changing ? You bet. Ron was bad Karma, and I had to cure it with the bitter medicine of cruelty.

All is God’s will.

Second Time Around ?

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Reality bites. It bit me this time with its poison fangs. I am alone.
For right or wrong reasons I did what I did and I can go to sleep with a clean conscience.

Yesterday was easy, I was lashing out for my freedom. For my right to be happy, to be loved on the premise of trust, not on the premise of resignation to my fate.
I wanted to meet my destiny and feel the sun on my face.
Today is different. The future lies in front of me, barren and empty. And the thought that perhaps an imperfect love is better than no love all squeezes at my heart with icy hands.
There is also the Fear, at the pit of my stomach, that I have blown my final chance at modest happiness, for an illusion of a perfect one.

I have jumped the water for a second time. This time there is no turning back, I know it for sure this time.

Second chances?

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

So Husband has come and gone, and I have decided to give him a second chance.
He did surprise me with the way he changed his looks and his behaviour, yet the part of him that drove me away still lurks there under the surface. It came out once or twice.

Funny that my relationship with him seems to be always hanging on a thread. I always end up giving in at the very last moment. Sometimes I don’t think I love him enough.

This time we had fun together, the woman that he almost killed in me managed to resurface again and enjoyed herself. The child though didn’t, it will always remain hampered by age – his age.

Now that he managed to charm all my friends I find myself obliged to give him another try, for old time’s sake. Yet I am very conscious of the need to keep in control, to stay in the driver’s seat lest things go under again.

I wonder whether this is the correct premise to build a relationship on.
Have to wait and see.

Cape Town Season of Heartbreak

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Tomorrow, I will meet Ron, my ex, for the first time in over two months. I still cannot imagine myself rebuilding a life with him, but he seems to be dedicated to the idea. I thought I might as well give him the benefit of the doubt. I am interested to find out what my reaction to him will be after all this time.I am not the only one who is suffering relationship trouble these days. Three of my friends are going through breakup at the moment. According to my best friend, Jackie, who should be an authority on the subject, it is a seasonal thing in Cape Town. October and November, are apparently the Capetonian seasons for broken hearts. Summer makes people yearn for change I suppose. It is also the time when all the rich young guys from Johannesburg drive down here in their Lamborghinis and Ferraris.

One of the three breakups brought an interesting aspect back into my life. Mr. Aquarius is single again. I almost feel guilty that the thought cheers me up, but I tell myself that, of course I am relieved for his sake. His was one of those yo-yo relationships where the up and down come at regular intervals, which is nerve wracking and emotionally draining. I should know because I have been there. But I am not telling the full story.
The real story is that, shortly after arriving here, I developed a crush on Aquarius. For whatever reason, he became the new flush in my cheeks, and the spring in my step. I enjoyed every moment of it – the childish blushes, falling totally silent or resorting to diarrhea talk, whenever he was around. I was so obviously infatuated, yet I did not mind. When my friends bickered me about him I just laughed; I knew enough to appreciate how special these fleeting feelings were. Things were put into perspective shortly thereafter. He was not interested, he had a girlfriend, and what the hell was I thinking anyway. I kept him in my mind, in one of those small back corners, reserved for my rare brushes with madness.

Jackie and I met him today for breakfast. Before the food order arrived, Jackie excused herself for a minute to buy some medication, and that is when he brought up the subject of his breakup with the girlfriend. I babbled like an idiot for a few minutes, as I usually do when I am left alone with him, and mercifully Jackie arrived before too long. He must know the strange bend in my mind. If it bothers him, he will find a simple way of avoiding me. Eventually, I will grow up and act my age – like I always do. I have always been cynical and pragmatic even in matters of love. My moments of madness were very few and far between. Yet I come from a culture which recognises about 50 different degrees of love, and sometimes I think that the love I read about in those classics does exist. And If it does it isn’t it a waste to settle for the mediocre ?

Aquarius might not be the real thing, but maybe I can relive those feelings again, one day, with another man ? I doubt that it will be possible for me to feel them for Ron. I should be working right now, but I find my mind always going back to Mr. Aquarius. He has resurfaced from the dark recessess of mind, demanding my full attention. The timing is strange. Why should it happen now, when Ron is trying to make his way back into my life ? Is Aquarius my defense mechanism against the past ? It remains to be seen.

November Is Here

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

A new months already, and I can’t believe that I have been in Cape Town already two months and a half. Time really flies.
Good news: I have got an ADSL line at my flat now; it seems that Telkom does get around to installing them after all. It took them long enough.

This morning started with me, on the payphone, holding for a long time for the ADSL helpline, mercifully on a Tollfree number. I registered a complaint and went through the motions, thinking of the exercise as another dead end. As it happened, I got a call in the afternoon. The technician said he will be there between four and five. At five two guys arrived, at five thirty it was all done!
I was impressed with the technicians but not that much with Telkom.
Another peg in MY grounds. All I need now is an ADSL modem, then I will be at large on the net.

The ex hasn’t emailed today. He is probably stuck up to his neck in trouble, with month end and all that. Petrol price is coming down this month as well, and this adds a little bit more spice to his pot.

I tried to get some errands done in Town today. It turned out that I need a roadworthy test for the car before it is registered in my name, and since my friend Derek is using the car from 7:30 until late at night, it will be difficult to arrange the roadworthy for this week.
Maybe next week, when Husband is here?

I walked from Town to the traffic department in Green Point. On the way I passed by a furniture shop and browsed for couches and other stuff. I need almost everything for my flat still. A guy at the reception came up to me and claimed that my face looks familiar, and didn’t I go to the Belville Branch. I said to him, no, I never went to Belville at all.
He insisted – of course it is the least imaginative pickup line in the world, but he killed it with trying. He wanted my cell phone number, but I asked for his (my famous counter-strategy ) – When I took my phone out to store his number, his brain-dead comment was: “oh, that’s like my mother’s phone” – great man, I already thought I was old enough to be your mom.
In any case, just in case a cape Town chick is reading this
His name is Wesley and his number is : 072 4625978. He lives in Belville. He is not bad looking but unfortunately I am looking for somebody a little older, who can make better use of his grey cells.

I spent the evening with Jackie and her cat. We watched reality TV, and gossiping during ad breaks. She cooked a lovely meal for us. Details in the food chart.

Food Chart:

Breakfast :
Nectarine, orange, Oaties and Milk, a toasted sandwich ( two pieces of whole-wheat bread, cheese, tomato and onion ) – Cup of coffee, which I did not finish because I was in a hurry to go out and complain about Telkom.

Lunch :
New York Deli day-old ( R 7.00 = 1 Eur ) : Bagel-Sandwich: Smoked salmon and cream cheese, with salad and pickles. Two glasses of sangria ( passion fruit ) .

Snacking :
Decaf coffee in a 500ml plunge, with two chococchino coconut biscuits, and three marshmallows. I also had an apple and a pear during the day.

Supper:
Which I enjoyed at my friend’s Jackie’s: Spaghetti Bolognaise (divine) followed by tea with milk and sugar.

Work Chart:
Received correspondence from Cape Town agency – they will only pay today.
Follow up on car registration – horribly overdue.

Play Chart:
Visiting Jackie and watching survivor Palau ? – Intriguing
A couple of games of Kaiodai.

Music feed:
Radio 2000
Song choice: Look Away – by Big Country ( A one hit wonder – you will not remember that unless you were a teenager in the eighties ) This is the second reference to my age in this blog oops.
Or: Two out of three aint bad by Meatloaf.

Useful item of the day:
An ADSL modem – because I don’t have one yet.
My flat comfortable shoes I bought years ago in Sharjah, because I walked a long way today, and did not pay in blisters.

Selected chores:
A load of bathtub washing, which is now waiting for a wink from Cape Town’s stingy sunshine. The wind will probably dry the washing first.

Useless information of the day:
In Cape Town you pay for your car registration more than double what you pay in other provinces. It cost here R 279.00 versus only R 129.00 in the Eastern Cape.

Remembering A Friend

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Portia,

My young sister all full of faith, dreams, and love.

Today you departed this world, too soon. Your too short life, snuffed out in a moment.

You left us with too many questions.
To whom have you left your little child, still crying for your breast milk?
How could you leave your inconsolable husband with whom your happiness was just about to unfold?
Your mother and sisters who depended on you?
What about us, your friends? Why did you leave us?

I remember your tender caring. I remember your tireless efforts in helping the needy and grieving of your community. I remember the collections you made for the sorrows of others.
Now they will grieve for you. How is that possible, when you had so much to live for?

The last time we spoke, you were on the crest of your future. You have almost realized your dreams. There was a baby to look forward to, and soon a home to build with its father.
Ironically today in one breath of desperate news – I heard of the baby, the marriage and your passing.

What murdered the sweet gentle girl, who spoke so softly of love? Whose faith shone from the depth of her heart? What happened? What took you from us so soon?
Was it those murderous headaches you always complained about? Was your untimely death ticking away somewhere in the recesses of your skull – waiting to snatch you?
Were you ill? Was it a violent accident that nobody is talking about?
Were you in pain?

All I know is that I lost a sister. We once hugged, shared jokes, and work burdens.
I listened to your dreams and your prayers.

Your place in church will be empty this Sunday, your friends will pray alone; God has chosen you away from us.
Now there is only the cold comfort of resignation; we will console ourselves; you are on the side of the angels, you were too gentle and good for this cruel world anyway.
We will accept your passing – but we will never understand.

Farewell my beautiful sister. I pray that you have found the warm light of peace you were rushing for. I hope you can look down on us and smile.
I hope that your fleeting visit to the world has given you some happiness, because you gave us plenty of joy and love.
I will always remember you.