Category: Life and Social

The Joys and worries of Motherhood

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Robert and I spoke to granny yesterday. Through the video stream of Skype my mother’s love to her little grandchild is palpable, and my dad asked when we were coming to visit. I never believed it was possible, but being a mother to Robert rewarded me with a special tenderness towards my parents, especially my mother. Every time I bathe my baby and wash his smooth back with baby soap, I think that my mother must have done the same for me, and it fills me with wonder and brings tears to my eyes.

I am content to sit at home the whole day with Robert, and watch him grow and learn new tricks. Before he came along I did not realize the depth of love I was capable of, and the extents that I would go in order to see him smile. Loving him made me love my life more and view it from a different perspective. The balance has shifted, and somebody else is now the centre of my universe. For this brief space in time, I am also my baby’s main focus, and I am enjoying it while it lasts. Soon enough his world will expand to other people, other places and other interests. Until then, I will have a second chance at reliving my childhood, to cherish the good times and avoid mistakes of the past.

More food for thought comes from this blog post:

“Having a child is not for people who like to play safe. In giving birth, we give the universe the power to enrich our life immeasurably or shatter it irrevocably”. Yes, I am also grateful every step of the way. I pray all the time, in gratitude and in hope. Mashallah, “There but by the grace of god go I”. I share this journey of joy, and worry with every mother on the face of this earth. But most of all, becoming Robert’s mother connected me emotionally with my own mother. Because there is a deep bond of unselfish love that passes on from one generation to the next, and you can only truly appreciate the love you received, once it is your turn to pass it on. I love you mom.

The World is Still Okay

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

At midday today I was labouring up the hill from the supermarket, loaded with packets of groceries in both hands and on one shoulder. It was hot and I was sweating, concentrating only on the road ahead, wanting to get home to my depressed –and depressing- husband.

A man in dirty clothes was sitting in the shade of a tree by the roadside; he mumbled something to me that I wasn’t going to acknowledge. In this harsh city there are so many like him, drunks and vagrants who normally ask handouts. Still I looked back towards him, and his words made sense once I saw what he was on about.

He had said: “Look at my baby ma’am”, and his baby was a sleeping puppy cradled peacefully on his lap. I smiled and said: “What a beautiful baby”, and as I continued my walk I held the picture of the man and the puppy in my mind and my heart, I thought: The world is still OK. or as we say in Arabic الدنيا لسه بخير .

In this cruel and rough country, where a man could kill another for a cell phone, where babies are raped, killed or thrown in garbage bins, there is a scruffy man, who cradles a little dog and calls it his baby. Mercy and kindness still go around, and life is definitely still worth living.

 

Back to Square One

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Guess what? I am back where I started. I have been sugar-coating reality for a while now. I made myself believe that my husband and I have truly made amends. We got back together, had a healthy love life, and even had a beautiful baby boy. Go figure, it turns out that I was living an illusion. The husband that I fell in love with again for the last two years is not happy. He has been biting his tongue and putting up with my weirdness. Really? He either did very good pretending or I was incredibly naive. He claims it is the latter.

Well, I have enough on my plate fixing the errors of my life, so unfortunately I cannot take on fixing half a century of mistakes for him. This doesn’t change things for me in the least, I have got the word divorce out of my system for good, and whatever happens next I am content with being a mom to my precious baby.
I am still hoping for a miracle, that he will find some interest to keep him busy. A vocation, a calling, a job, a hobby, anything, I am really desperate. I was naive enough to think that his interest in his son will be the thing to bring him back from the brink of depression. I was wrong, we will see what he comes up with.
Meanwhile, the errors of the past are rehashed for me. My mean spirited breakup with him on his birthday, and the way I made him sell the business. I roll my eyes heavenwards and ask God, if I was guilty as charged of the first, I was never party to the second, but of course, he is convinced otherwise.

So here we go again, and the saddest thing, my little boy will be taking the consequences.

More Milestones

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

 

 

 

 

 

 

I did not post for the occasion of Robert’s 5-months birthday. Obviously I was busy doing other things or thinking other thoughts. There aren’t even any pictures to mark the day.

However, I can now comment on some developments in the five months period. I get a weekly newsletter from www.babycentre.co.uk which charts out the progress of an average baby, and Robert is always right on target. The page for the 5 months development phase is right here : http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/development/05mth/ and as usual he has mastered every skill mentioned.

In the verbalising department he is very keen on blowing raspberries and grunting – he gives this low pitched growl which sounds as if it is coming from his stomach. Ron doesn’t like it, perhaps because he feels that it signifies some sort of distress, but I think it is just one more noise Robert enjoys making.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He is definitely able to track and grasp smaller objects. He also uses the raking grasp, for example to get a hold on a bunch of keys lying on the floor.

He is beginning to get a sense of his balance while sitting upright. He can hold on with one hand, and keep his back steady. He also tries to pull himself up while lying down on his play mat. Standing is still his favourite daytime sport, as it has been for a month or even longer. Yes, I hear that it causes bow-legs but the pediatrician never warned us against such a thing, besides Robert is the one who wants to stand up, and by now I think it is safe for him to try anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We do still keep a vigilant eye on baby, but some of our concerns are slowly diminishing. I was petrified one day when I checked on him one night to find that he had rolled over onto his stomach. He does that regularly now, and although I still roll him over onto his back, I am no longer losing sleep over it.

In fact I find him on his stomach in the morning now, and if he is fussy or crying, he always calms himself down and finally gets to sleep on his tummy. Sometimes he even sleeps with his head on his arms, like a grownup. I think it is so cute.

I have been reading some family blogs lately, about women and their experience with motherhood. Some of them make profound statements while others take the comic approach. Here a link to the latter approach, and maybe some profound thoughts will emerge later.

Some unsolicited baby advice, not for the faint hearted:


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More of these on: http://www.c00lstuff.com/1133/Do_s_and_don_ts_with_babies/

First Taste of Solids

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Again I am running late on updating with Robert. I will restart my retro-active blogging tomorrow. However, today we need to mark the occasion of our first encounter with rice cereal.

Robert was seated on top of our oak dining table, in his Bumbo seat of course, and opened his mouth nicely for the little spoonfuls of cereal. The whole meal was about a teaspoon of runny rice cereal thinned with breast milk. He still needs practice though, the cereal gets into his mouth, but he doesn’t know what to do with it, he needs to figure out the act of swallowing as opposed to sucking. Some things definitely point out his readiness for this new taste; the tongue reflex is no longer present, and he seemed interested in the experience. I will keep up with a small daily dose of the cereal, so that he can take one full meal by the time I get back to work.

Camping in the Mountains

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

After months of limiting ourselves to the borders of Greater Cape Town, we decided to go for a camping trip to the Overberg. The planning took most of a week, and for one night we ended up taking a lot of stuff. This is normal, of course, because –apart from food- the same basic things are needed whether one chooses to go away for one night or one week. We wanted to check out the village of Greyton, which according to its internet brochure, is advertised as the Jewel of the Overberg, and a true country retreat. We also wanted to visit its Saturday market, where REAL farm products are sold. Although we were fully prepared by Thursday evening, we almost cancelled the trip at the last second because the weather forecast predicted a massive heat wave over the interior of the Western Cape. Later Ron decided that we might as well go, because it might be better to let the heat catch us outdoors than trapped indoors in the dusty apartment.


 

 

 

 

 

 

We started out on Friday morning after breakfast and in time for Robert’s morning nap. This was great because he went to sleep immediately in the car, and woke up two hours later as we arrived to the Campsite in Greyton. The village is really tiny, with one tarred main street. The rest are oak-lined mud lanes, with many beautiful old houses surrounded by lush gardens. The mountains give a dramatic backdrop to the scenery, towering over the village which lies literally at their feet. The same mountains are capped with snow during the winter. Later, the family who looks after the camp ground told us that the place gets extremely cold and frosty in the winter. There is a river close to the campground, and apparently two years ago, it flooded the surrounding grounds (and the house of the wardens). It gets really rough out here by the look of things. The inhabitants of the village though are mostly wealthy old retirees who can enjoy country life without having to succumb to the hardship of eking out a living.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 As we pitched our tent, and explored the basic campground, we were shocked to find out that the water supply in the village had a brownish tinge. I did drink some of it before this fact became evident and it tasted fine. Fortunately we had enough drinking water to last us for a day or so, and we bought another bottle of water at the shop.

Our green and blue tent was pitched up under the pine trees, and there was sufficient shade to shelter us from the sun. We also had the benefit of the cool breeze from the mountain, so it did not feel that hot. However, it was hot during our walk on the only main street in the village, but Robert was very good in the stroller and we were able to do our sight-seeing in peace. Later we hung out around camp, Ron went for a swim in the river, and we had our meal of pre-prepared pasta with tuna and canned sauce.

Robert enjoyed lying in the tent and exploring the texture of its fabric, the zippers, the ties and all the other strange stuff inside. As darkness fell we did not have any problems getting him to sleep on an improvised mattress of towels. We weren’t so lucky, we had to make do with the sleeping bags on the hard ground, and no pillows. It wasn’t the most comfortable bedding. During the night Robert woke up for a feed, this is rather unusual, but perhaps he was dehydrated and thirsty from his adventures during the day.

On Saturday we visited the market, and Robert got to socialize with many grannies and grandpas. I was impressed with the quality of products at the market. Everything was really homemade and organic : Cheese, lemonade, bakes, yoghurt, feta cheese, and even labneh (balls of dehydrated yoghurt with herbs, preserved in olive oil). We had a treat of pancakes with lemon curd, and bought a small wheel of cheddar. Around noon we started our drive back and this time we took what we thought will be the long scenic route on the West Coast. This was considerably longer, with portions of un-tarred roads that were hard on the car. Robert slept most of the time, and awoke only briefly as we were having lunch near Betty’s Bay. We were driving during the worst heat of the day, and at times the temperature gauge soared to 38 degrees (for outside heat). As we were heading for the final stretch of road towards Gordon’s Bay, I was getting extremely worried about Robert’s continued lethargy. We found the first available parking in Gordon’s Bay and I fished the little one out of his car seat. He was thoroughly wet and completely limp; it gave me a horrible fright for a couple of seconds until he opened his very sleepy eyes. I changed his drenched diaper quickly while he was still waking up, and then fed him for almost twenty minutes. He stayed awake but calm for the rest of the way home.

The apartment was a furnace when we arrived, and we got very little sleep that night. It was easily the hottest night we experienced in all our years in South Africa. The trip could have been termed a success, if Ron did not catch some stomach bug. He thinks it is either something carried by the flies in the campground or the brown water we used for brushing teeth.

Too Much Thinking

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Too much thinking makes the head ache, and sometimes makes you physically ill. Robert is not the culprit this time; there are too many things to consider as far as our life in general is concerned. Needless to say, it has been a tough week.

Ron’s birthday was one bright spot there, but after it things started rolling downhill. Ron was under the weather for days, and therefore avoided contact with baby . As a result the three of us ended up feeling pretty down, and the oppressive heat made matters even worse.

On the up side, Robert is starting to have some social life. There is a tiny park about ten minutes from our place, where I escape during the hottest times of day. I met some moms, dads and nannies, and Robert made a few young friends. The friendship is a little one sided at this point, because my little one is rendered speechless in front of his young admirers, but it is still a start. The park has half a dozen benches, and is surrounded by a few big trees that provide shade. The grass is well maintained, and clean. There is also a dog training area adjoined to the park, but a fence separates it from the main park area. Dogs aren’t allowed in the main park area, which helps keep the place clean of land mines, but they still need to access their area through the park, I had to protect my little pup from wet tongues and noses, a couple of times, before owners took charge of their four-legged friends.

In addition to social development, Robert is becoming more tolerant of the wide world outside. He has very few objections now to sitting in the stroller, and is comfortable enough in it to fall asleep when tired. Yes, he still cries and fusses before he finally nods of but that is not so bad.

His other skills are developing rapidly, he sits up with support now for a long time without any problems, and if he has something to hold on too he can even keep his balance for a little bit without support behind his back. This week he also started rolling over onto his stomach before falling asleep. I still try to put him on his back again, but when I check on him one final time before turning in myself, I sometimes find him sleeping on his stomach or more often on his side. Robert is also more vocal with razzing and babbling. I think of his razzing as a form of singing, he goes onto a long session of it when he is relaxing in the bath. As for his play, it is getting more interactive as he explores the principle of cause and effect: He lets stuff drop to the floor so that we give it back to him, he grips the handle of the cupboard to pull it ajar, or swings the gate back and forth. These games are played under our close supervision of course, and he is content to play them for a long time, or for as long as our patience holds.

New Experiences

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

This has been a very busy week with many new experiences for Robert. The stroller has been dusted off and finally put to use, breaking new (and old) ground on the promenade and in the mall. Robert also had his first close encounter with the Atlantic Ocean and the playground.

We are now trying to overcome and extend Robert’s over-stimulation limit, in the stroller environment. Previously we used the carrier, and he would be happy in it for up to two hours with a little bit of a break. Sometimes he would nod off to sleep at the point when it got too much. Under the best circumstances, and even with a break and swapping the carrier between the two of us, two hours is pretty much the maximum limit. We would definitely be much happier pushing the stroller for two hours, but Robert still needs some time to get used to the arrangement.

We spent Robert’s first day at the beach at Llandudno. It was a scorching hot day and we found some shade under some bushes and tall grass. I think I fussed a little too much trying to protect him from the sun. Ron showed him the water and dipped his feet in the cold Atlantic. He enjoyed the feel of the wet sand against his feet, and looked with great interest at the rushing waves. I remembered a similar scene when we took my baby brother Fadi to the beach; he just looked at it perplexed and then started gesticulating with both hands towards it and shouting baby gibberish. Considering that Fadi was looking at the Mediterranean, Robert’s reaction to the Atlantic is s a lot more reserved and philosophical.

After a while at the beach, Robert got his fill of wide open space and started to get fidgety. We were about to call it a day, when he finally succumbed to fatigue and went to sleep on my shoulder. After his little nap Ron tried to keep him busy, introducing him to things like trees, bushes, sand and water. He became very interested and engrossed in his close encounters with things he could touch and feel and forgot a little about the onslaught of information from the wide space around him.

The next important adventure was Robert’s first time in the swing. He kind of enjoyed the slow swinging and wondered at the voices of much older kids in the next swings. It was a Sunday afternoon and the playground was very busy, but we would definitely take him there many times in the future.

Today we had to take baby for his long delayed immunization shot. It feels like ages since our last visit to the nurse. The last time was back in November, and I was anxious to see Robert’s growth progress. I can definitely feel his weight increase in my shoulder and back (Just to make it clear that I am not complaining about this fact, I always say Mashallah in keeping with my native superstition – to thank God and to ward off the evil eye). Of course it is nice to know how much weight I lift up and down every day, just to feel good about my efforts and about the treats I consume with the excuse of putting on weight, hopefully on baby.

The nurse’s rooms weren’t as busy as I expected, and we were only third in the queue when we arrived. We just missed the rush as more and more moms and tots streamed in afterwards. Robert’s statistics for this week: Weight 7160 g; Height 68 cm; Circumference of Head: 41.4cm. He has made good progress Mashallah ! The graph of his weight gain is consistent, slightly above average in weight, and clearly above average in height.

Itchy !

~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

One of my resolutions for 2008, is to start writing this blog in real time. This objective hasn’t been achieved yet, and I am still lagging one week behind. My cute little monster is growing, and I am beginning to appreciate my life-long commitment to the task. He is the number one priority in everything we do, and every decision we make.

Since he sleeps for close to ten hours through the night, his hours of wakefulness during the day are long, and he needs constant diversions and outlets for his abundant energy. I think he will grow into an active and intelligent kid, who would gets bored quickly. We will need a lot of creative talent to keep him amused.

This week Robert finally discovered his feet. He now pulls at them while sitting or lying, especially on his changing table, which adds of course to the fun of changing his diaper. He moved quickly from razzing to sucking on his bottom lip, to make a smack-pop sound, which is quite funny. He also sucks occasionally on his thumb hooking his forefinger over his nose. The first time I saw him do that he was trying to calm himself down to get to sleep, and he was lying on his side. Now he goes to sleep regularly on his side, with the consolation of the thumb or a fist, and sometimes even without them.

We had some storms and fierce winds during this week, followed by a boiling hot day without any winds. Robert was tired after a visit to the mall but could not get to sleep at all in the heat, and cried in frustration until the temperature cooled down with nightfall. That night the mosquitoes feasted on his exposed limbs and face, and just looking at him made us both feel very guilty (and itchy). The mosquito bites made him very irritable, pulling the stiff leg, and red face trick many times during the day.

We immediately bought a length of gauze-like fabric which I joined together to form a mosquito net. To salve our conscience we also bought a topical cream that the pharmacist recommended for bab. The cream proved useful, but the net was the proper solution, I now throw the net over his crib just after I put him down, and he hasn’t had any bad mosquito bites since then.