I have made a tour of my blog recently. I was amazed, yet again, at how much I changed in the span of seven years. And here I remember – and double check- a trivia fact that I have seen in the past. Yes, it is true, with some variations, that the cells of the human body completely regenerate within a span of 7-10 years. So technically, biologically, and -thank providence- also emotionally, nothing is left of the pining female who wrote here one lovelorn post after another. I feel bad for that person who cried so many tears, wrote terrible haikus, and never-ending heartache text, for something that was a little more than an illusion. I came back here today, and hid some of the texts that were truly terrible, and left the ones that were still terrible, but less so. They shall remain, as a memory and a lesson for the future. Next time, I will use an old-fashioned, and burnable, journal.
Here, I have to send silent thanks to the former subject of my adoration. Really, it was great that he did not go along with any of that madness, although he might have been tempted to. I am also glad that I resisted the temptation to give him the URL of this blog, because by now I would have been so embarassed that I would have needed to migrate it again, elsewhere.
There will always be these two sides of me. The rational twin will be forever at odds with the emotional and impulsive one. I also realise that I have lied when I told myself that I am incapable of being in love again. I know I am. Perhaps I am heading there soon. But I have learned not to chase illusions and mirages, and look for people who are really available, and show it. This time I will trust what I see, not what I imagine.
The Loskop Diaries 