Two weeks ago I started crocheting a dress for Olivia, who was yet to be born. After almost finishing the dress I discovered that it was sitting too stiffly and was not the greatest piece. I unraveled the whole thing and started over with a larger hook, and crocheted a jacket this time. I always unravel stuff when I am not too happy about something, or when I spot a mistake that nobody else would Two weeks ago I started crocheting a dress for Olivia, who was yet to be born. After almost finishing the dress I discovered that it was sitting too stiffly and was not the greatest piece. I unraveled the whole thing and started over with a larger hook, and crocheted a jacket this time. I always unravel stuff when I am not too happy about something, or when I spot a mistake that nobody else would notice. This time my aborted project was an imitation of my life. I am unraveling my marriage because it is obviously not working. The jacket turned out beautiful, more so because the wool was softened and stretched with unraveling. Perhaps this is what will happen to me sometime in the distant future.
Day: April 4, 2008
Trust a Man
Today’s quote from Husband (hereafter referred to as Mr. Negativity-he won’t be Husband for long) : “You will never appreciate all the things I have done for you through nine years of marriage”. The quote came on the heels of an accusation to me that I have stopped doing anything around the house. Yes, it is true, I have stopped because there is no point. There is no pleasing the bugger whatever I do, so I just took a step back and started slacking off COMPLETELY. I am using him for all he is worth, for now. Because I know: a) Whatever he is doing right now serves to massage his guilt and promote his self image as the martyr and the victim of the piece. b) Heck, I will be having a real hard life next, and will not get much out of him after these next few days, so I might as well enjoy it while it lasts. No, I am not going out with my girlfriends every night and leaving him with a crying baby. I am not maxing out his credit card. I am only slacking off in the housework department (where I was a slacker to start with), and when he cooks dinner I eat the extra portion he puts aside. I still take care of baby whenever I am home from work, but he still feels that he is so nice to help me babysit our son. Oh, please give me a break. Like this is stopping him from his life’s work ! At least looking after the little child is a productive and rewarding activity. Better than trying in vain to reverse the passage of years at the gym. Of course this is not the way he sees it. As far as he is concerned he is paying me GENEROUS child support of x thousand Rand (don’t hold your breath, it is honestly peanuts) so that he doesn’t have to do babysitting. What the cheapskate forgets is that the generous amount includes R600 contribution to my medical aid, which he still benefits from. After deducting it, there is just enough to cover the rent of a furnished room in a friend’s house. We still need to live and pay for nannies if I want to continue to work. I rest my case.So, what has he done for me in nine years of marriage? The one good thing is my little one, and if he didn’t think that having a child was something that will magically fix his life, he wouldn’t have allowed me to have him. Then there is ruining my self-esteem, isolating me from my friends, giving me complexes about my healthy appetite, begrudging me every treat, and trying very hard to change me. His excuse: he wanted me to be someone compatible with him. Yes, and I am the fool who fell for this crap for six long years. When I had enough he fooled me again by telling me that HE has changed. In my native tongue there is a saying : trust a man, trust your water to a sieve.
The Loskop Diaries 