It Puzzles Me

January 17, 2009March 22, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

My ex has been nice to us in this past month, and as much as it is a relief for me, I am still puzzled about his latest incarnation as a caring father, when not too long ago he told me that I was not able to look after our son AND called me many colourful names because I refused to hand him over some money which he thought -wrongly as usual- that it should be his.

I see his recent change of behaviour and wonder what is behind it. Is it real? Is it some sort of preemptive measure to avoid escalating maintenance payments? Is it a mind game? or is it just the sad realization that Robert is all he has left? I do not know, and I am hesitant to make a judgement call on this one. I am going to wait and see, and I mean really wait for a long long time. Maybe ten years from now I will be able to tell some more. In the meantime I am taking his “helpfulness” where I find it, and taking advantage of it while it lasts. As things happened, it looks like I will not be able to rely on his helpfulness too much because he got himself a full time job (something that he has been loath to do since moving to Cape Town). He said that he would be working every day including Saturday mornings until 11:30. What worried him, as he told me yesterday (and again this is completely out of character for my ex) is that he will not get too much time to spend with Robert, very strange.

In return my natural instinct is also to be nice, and although my analytical mind tells me that perhaps this is not such a good idea, I am willing to risk it. I feel in the end my son will benefit of a hostility-free relationship between his mother and his father.

On that note today was the said father’s birthday and we went with him to the Waterfront after he finished working (and gym) and I bought my ex a ticket to the Aquarium which he enjoyed. Robert has his usual fun-filled day at the toy store and we later introduced him again to the fish. He is still too young to appreciate all exhibits, but occasionally he would look and say fish, or “big” but mostly it is water (Ahti).

The Two Oceans Aquarium is really nice. The last time I was here was on the fateful day I lost my wallet (the one that got really lost, not the one I stupidly misplaced), so this became my first visit to the new frogs exhibit, which was interesting. The few species they showed great variation in size and colours. Some of the frogs are as big as an adult’s fists while others would fit comfortably on a small coin. In addition to this new exhibits therer were also the old favourites like the predator exhibit, and we were there in time for their feeding. My personal favourite is the kelp forrest with many snub nosed fishes that look pouty and angry. The only photo I took though was in the tank of the clown fish (made famous by the movie Finding Nemo) but the pictures turned out poor especially since I did not have enough time to study the features of my new camera. I will have to try it out next time at leisure.

At the Aquarium I bumped into W. and her tall, tall son Zack. Zack is now 18 months, and Robert still wears some of babygros that were too small for him at 12 months. I do not see much of Zack’s mom anymore because she lives and works in Sommerset West, but she promised to get in touch whenever she was in Cape Town.

It was five thrity in the afternoon when we got out of the Aquarium. Robert was completely finished, but I still managed to do some shopping. I went looking for some clothes for me and ended up buying a sandal for Robert. Meanwhile my own sandal is falling apart, but I will shop for myself some other time.

During the excitement out, Robert has nothing to eat for the whole afternoon, but he made up for it by eating one whole scrambled egg and toast. When I reported this to his father in a text message, he texted me back thanking me for a nice birthday. “You are still important in my life and now Robert gives it meaning” he said. Whatever that means, I will know ten years from now.

How Much is Garlic Crushing Worth?

January 3, 2009March 26, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

I am not a kitchen guru, and precisely for this reason I need the correct kitchen gadgets to help my mediocre skills in the kitchen. Finding the right implement, however, is a challenge by itself, because my inadequate skills and my left-handedness conspire against me.

It is difficult to explain the dilemma to the 90% of the population who were lucky enough to become right-handed. We left-handers cannot buy mass market utensil and products : Pictures on mugs end out looking away from us, knives cut funny because the cutting edge and the force applied are on opposing sides, and can openers have to be operated backwards. It takes major effort and expense to find a tool that works correctly for us left-handers, and therefore I mostly settle for the clumsy right-hand tools.

Since the gadgets used for crushing garlic do not fall under the category of hand-specific tools, I thought that finding one would be a piece of cake. I was so wrong. I have been on the lookout for the correct one for over three months now. During this time I minced my garlic with my non-hand-specific knife, but before that I tried crushing it with my hand-neutral mortar and pestle.

The mortar and pestle were a little too heavy and clumsy for regular and repeated use (I had a stone one), and the cleanup was also problematic. Mincing with the knife on the other hand is much more straight forward, and there is very little cleanup. Disadvantages were the time needed and the risk of ending up with garlic smelling fingers for the rest of the day. The chopping board of course is a lost cause, and it has to be dedicated to chopping only the vegetables who are good companions to garlic.

A month ago I forked out R45 to buy a stainless steel garlic crusher, but it turned out to be wrong. It looked fine when I bought it, made of stainless steel with the garlic crushed in a little compartment that is detachable for easier cleaning. On actual use, however it proved very impractical, perhaps for this very detachable element. Apart from its overall faulty “engineering” which made the garlic come out more squeezed than crushed. This led me back again to mincing and smelly fingertips.

Finally today I discovered and brought home my new love and the most useful kitchen utensil for lovers of garlicky pasta sauce. I bought this beauty, and thank god it was on sale. It is made of brushed stainless steel, cool and velvety to the touch. It also has a round grip that makes its weight fall comfortably on either left or right hands. It looks and feels heavy, durable and practical. With a deceptive simple design of real expensive kitchen tools. Believe me, I rarely wax lyrical about anything in the kitchen, but this is simply one of my most valuable kitchen utensils.

Can I ask you Something

January 1, 2009March 22, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

I sometimes bump into a woman walking around in Sea Point. She looks old, her mouth puckers because she is missing quite a few of her front teeth, and her white hair is trimmed short. She always wears black and white clothes, usually too warm for the weather, but she doesn’t look like a homeless person, she always has reasonable shoes on or crocs. Whenever I see her she comes up to me and says: “Can I ask you something?” , then goes on to tell me that she doesn’t have enough money for transport into town and asks if I could help her out.

The first time I talked to her I think I turned her away, but then I saw her several months later and I gave her money out of guilt. After that I saw her many more times. She always had the same appearance, and the same question. I must admit that at this point I started turning her away regularly. I felt that she does this act out of habit, not necessity. It appeared to me that she always addressed me as if she sees me for the first time, and I thought that she didn’t take note of people she asked or people who turned her away because she asks “something” out of everyone she sees.

Yesterday I saw this woman again, not in Sea Point this time but in Gardens. She walked across the road from my ex’s place while we were getting ready to drive back home. As usual her face did not register anything, but when I said to her: “You do get around don’t you?”, she came up to me saying: “Can I ask you something?”. I said: “No not today, I do know you from Sea Point, and you do make it all the way here to town?”. She said: “Yes, I walk because I look for work”. Her answer made me feel a bit guilty, maybe I am being uncharitable, but she walked away and I did not want to budge.

Imagine my surprise when on New Year’s Day I see my friend again! I could not believe it was her, so I walked again past the orange facade of the new Italian restaurant on Main Road Sea Point, and there she was. Sitting at the bench facing the street in her usual attire and crocs. This time she recognized me, as she looked up from her food, still chewing on toothless gums; she smiled and raised her hand in salute. I greeted her back and continued on my way. The funny thing is that I have been avoiding this restaurant since it opened last month. I felt that it would be too expensive, and that I could not afford it. Clearly though, asking for something, netted this lady enough money or perhaps an invitation for lunch. Good for her I say; if you want something just ask.

Disclaimer: I do not mean to be unkind to any person living in poverty and who is reduced to asking for handouts. In this instance however I have a strong suspicion that this old lady does not fall under the aforementioned categories.

Cape Town on January 1st

January 1, 2009March 22, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

In South Africa the first of January is when most people especially Africans head to the beach. I do not know where this custom came from, but it is a fact mentioned often even as far up the coast as East London.

Today I decided to investigate this phenomenon myself and walked towards the promenade with Robert. The first thing we saw was a very long queue in front of Sea Point swimming pool, then we witnessed the crowds that were already enjoying a swim there. Of course there were many more people occupying the shaded area on the promenade. For the occasion the city council prepared extra portable loos to relieve the pressure on the existing washrooms. So I was dismayed when I actually had to visit a washroom to attend to my son’s nappy (I was prepared to change the nappy anywhere but I had a hard time finding a private space on the grass amongst the picnicking masses). To my surprise, or perhaps because it wasn’t noon yet, the washrooms were not busy and still fairly clean. I was able to change Robert quickly and there was even toilet paper to complete the cleaning task. For his part, Robert did not like lying on the hard bench in the changing room, he howled inconsolably while staring at the mouldy ceiling and the broken fluorescent lamp. Maybe the place was not up to his standards, he is part snob of course.

I was not planning to stay the whole day at the beach. Today I wanted peace and quiet, away from the crowds; this was the last day of my holiday and tomorrow I have to start working again. I headed with Robert towards Mount Nelson Park, which is always quiet on public holidays. Today we had it to ourselves. Robert slept in his buggy for over an hour and I relaxed and read my book. When Robert woke up he got to enjoy playing on the swing, running around and looking for sticks (tick). It was a great way to start the year.

We returned via Main Road, Sea Point which was bustling with people, so different from the quiet deserted streets on Christmas Day. Stores and most businesses were open, and people were just in full party mode. More people were still streaming to the beach, and there was still a long queue to the swimming pool. For Robert and me though it was home time, we had to get ready for a long day tomorrow.

The First of 2009

January 1, 2009March 25, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

It was a pleasant surprise when I awoke refreshed this morning. There were no little people hammering in my head, and I was only a little bit dehydrated. It turned out that I chose the correct sparkling wine for my solo drinking binge, with only 7% of alcohol; less than the regular wine I usually drink. I was so pleased with my good form this morning that I took a “morning after” picture to prove my (sober) habits to the world.

My first priority this morning was to get my online banking out of the way, and start on my New Year Resolution of better financial planning. I paid the rent then made an estimate of my income and budget for the rest of the month. The catalyst for these plans is a post I recently read on Dumb Little Man suggesting to keep a spending log to find out exactly where money goes. One of the best pieces of advice in the above blog post is taking out a certain amount of cash for the week and budgeting for purchases from it. It is a good strategy to avoid the temptation of whipping out the plastic to make impulse buys, because the money booked out of the credit card does not seem real. I thought the ideas were very good and will provide me with a grip on my finances, because I am getting increasingly panicky at the rate our money is spent. Later this evening I started a spreadsheet with my expense categories, and my intention is to fill it out on a daily basis.

Financially I have nothing to worry about. I am firmly in the black. I always pay off my credit card in full, and so far my income covered all my purchases including furniture and laptop. I am debt-free. However, I can still benefit from some careful spending, especially with the global economic downturn. South Africa runs a little behind global financial trends, so we haven’t seen the full impact of the crisis yet, but the inflation is rampant, we can truly feel it.

Our newspapers are full of optimism. The inflation has slowed down, they claim, and the petrol price is going down. Fine and good I say, but I haven’t seen the price of my bread loaf getting any cheaper, or my taxi fare to work getting reduced. I do not have a car, and I do not pay mortgage, so lower petrol prices and interest rates do not put more money in my pocket. Rather the contrary since I get some income from bank interest. Of course I am not alone, most ordinary people are feeling the pinch with higher prices of consumer goods, so the bottom line is that it is good to budget, and this is what I will try to do.

That said, I do still have one or two larger ticket items I want to buy so it will be a battle between my buying impulse and my common sense.

Quote of the day: “Common sense is a misnomer given how few people have any” humorist Colin McEnroe.

Old Year’s Eve

December 31, 2008March 22, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

As I was getting ready to take Robert for the weekly Pram Jam at the Sea Point library, we get another text message from his father. He wondered again about our plans and thought we could take Robert someplace. I arranged for him to meet us at the library then to go to the Company Gardens.

Today Robert and I were the only attendants for the Pram Jam and the session was suspended until my son perked up from his nap in the buggy. Thankfully we were later joined by a three-year-old boy and his dad, otherwise it would have been such a waste of Ronnie’s efforts, trying to read and sing to Robert who always has his attention somewhere else. The library provides a fair amount of distraction with toys, stuffed animals and rows upon rows of book. Robert takes pleasure in pulling books off the shelves, always from the Afrikaans section for some reason, and thus keeps me busy tidying up behind him.

When Robert’s father joined us, he suggested that we make a stop at his place in town. He came from gym and wanted to have a quick bite to eat. My curiosity about my ex’s dwelling was finally satisified. He does not live next door to his girlfriend, but in ground floor flat in a small city block. The flat has a small private garden but no parking. When I took my flat, price and proximity to local ameneities and transport were the main criteria. Therefore I sacrificed a lot in the area of presentability and creature comforts. My ex in contrast worries most about presentability and creature comfort, and apart from the missing dedicated parking the flat is modern, well appointed and immaculate; at least in my humbled estimation.

My ex lives within walking distance of the Company Gardens and this is where we headed. He took charge of Robert, carried him around and showed him the bird cages and the squirells. When Robert got too antsy I managed to get him into the buggy, plying him with some snack and we set on a brisk walk into town. The idea was to get him to sleep in the buggy, and as soon as he did we headed back to the Company Gardens for a drink.

The drinks turned somehow into a lunch (nothing fancy just a couple of burgers). It was the same as the old days, but so totally different. We still had the same brands of bear and a frugal meal, but we split the bill and the tip. The toast I proposed was “to a better 2009” and he agreed. We talked a little about how terrible 2008 was. I related some of the story of my ordeal and the subsequent fallout with Jackie. My ex chimed in that he felt sorry for me, for the treatment I got there, he said he was sorry. I did not know how to respond to this, yes perhaps I have chosen to bury the hatchet and move on, maybe I will eventually forgive, but I will never forget. My ex showed me little or no consideration at all in 2008, and in fact his maltreatment made me an easy prey for others. What can I expect from other people, when my husband of nine years literally throws me out? How do I measure the damage this has done to my self-image and self esteem? Will I ever recover enough trust and courage to be able to surrender myself into a new relationship? – Even the way I pose this question betrays the extent of the damage you do not “surrender” yourself into a relationship.

It is perhaps surprising that with all these questions and emotions boiling under the surface I manage to appear completely neutral towards my ex. On an intellectual level he is quite interesting, and great to talk to, but he does not appeal to me as a mate anymore. The only relationship I want with him from now on is one that revolves around Robert’s best interests, and that is how things are going to be from now on.

Robert started crying and clinging to his father when we arrived home, so I relented and invited my ex in for the second time. In my disorganized place -among the mismatched assortment of old, new, borrowed and cast off furniture- Robert got to play some more with his father, and on impulse I decided to share my Christmas Pudding. This treat was so symbolic for me because I never got to enjoy it when I was married to the man – too extravagant he considered it. We both had a second helping and even Robert took a liking to brandy custard and started asking for “mo”. Later we still managed a quick trip to Queens Beach, and returned as soon as Robert looked tired. I wanted to get him ready for bed as quickly as possible to enjoy my solo New Year’s Party.

So Much for Easy

December 30, 2008March 23, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Surprisingly, Robert’s father sent me an SMS today to ask whether I have plans with Robert. I was just thinking of a gentle stroll along Main Road in Sea Point, doing some light shopping, but since his plans included taking Robert to the beach I thought I might as well get my long delayed visit to the Traffic Department over with.

Since I lost my wallet in October (the one I really lost not the one I thought I did) I started the slow process of getting all my cards back and the last was my Driver’s Licence. There was no urgency because I am not driving at the moment, and it is unlikely that I would start in the near future, since I can ill afford buying a car at this time.

My last visit to the Traffic Department was recorded in this post, which I imported from a defunct blog I started an eternity ago. I am happy to say that the experience was far less spectacular this time. I mean who would waste a perfect day of sunshine and holidays to stand in a queue and get rankled by ill tempered government workers who would rather be at the beach instead. Well, apparently there are quite a few of us losers out there, but not enough to make the visit a whole day excursion.

I skimmed a local magazine while waiting at the first queue, then was quickly rushed through eye test and finger prints. There was a substantial queue before the notorious counter 8, but it was moving quickly since the cashiers of other counters were also chipping in; there wasn’t really that much work otherwise. I pocketed my temporary licence and the receipt for the permanent one, roughly two hours after I entered the department. Before Robert got dropped off I also managed a quick trip to the shops, to buy supplies for my New Year’s Eve solo party.

Robert apparently had lots of fun on the beach. Before his father left him he said that he might see him again tomorrow. I carried a sleeping Robert to our flat, but he only slept for a few more minutes and carried on spinning until about eight. I am not sure I want to do the same thing tomorrow. I am planning a party !