My Home My Castle.. where are you now?

July 14, 2009March 22, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Another erratic week has passed, with rain and floods in the Cape. My life is no less flooded with news, worries and small irritations.

It started last week Monday when Robert had a fever again while at school. He was sleepy and lethargic, and appeared to have problems swallowing. The fever did not break on the next day and I was forced to phone work and simply tell the truth : My child is sick and I cannot take him to day care and therefore cannot come to work. Before resorting to this I tried Robert’s father but obviously his work is much more important and critical than mine, so I just have to take whatever management deals me for this since I have no sick days or family days left – or so I believed at the time.

Robert improved ever so slightly on the next day, mercifully an off day from work for me, and I decided that we tough it out this time and do not run to the doctor, which proved to be the correct decision in this case since he was well enough for school on Thursday, although I took precaution and gave him a dose of fever medicine before school on the day.

My troubles for the week though were not over because last week I also received notice to vacate my flat, by latest August 31st. This came as unwelcome shock for me, even though I hate many things about my current place, mainly its dilapidated general state, filthy carpet, pealing paint and leaking plumbing, but I am the kind of person who puts up with a lot of inconvenience and I do not particularly care for major changes and upheavals in my life. No, I am not a mover and a shaker and I HATE moving with a passion. This will be the fifth time I move since I came to Cape Town in 2005, and that is too much for anyone. It is even too much for me because I only moved a dozen times in my adult life.

Small consolation for me is that the whole block has been served notice, on the pretext of major renovation to the building. The place does look shabby even on the outside and there is no denying the need for a major facelift, and some serious maintenance, but the timing is very unfortunate, for me that is. For the landlord it is probably just right to get the whole place done up and ready to be rented out during the World Cup.

I am starting to think that this whole World Cup thing is a curse for us bottom feeders, and regular citizens. Everyone with a little stake in this city thinks that the World Cup will be their chance to make a fortune. Not only landlords are licking their lips, taxi drivers are also starting to flex their muscles, unhappy about the public transport system which will start running in 2010, since they expect that it will take a chunk out of their profits. Workers Unions are exploiting the opportunity as well, and pressurizing construction workers into a strike that has hampered the construction work at the Green Point Stadium. Of course the workers are normally unwilling participants in such actions, but do not dare to go against the unions and the threats from more belligerent members.

I was euphoric many years ago when South Africa won the bid for hosting this World Cup, but now I am beginning to think that the best thing that can happen to me personally is for this spectacle to move elsewhere. The properties will be selling like crazy, rents will be cheap, transport will not increase in price and my city will be my own again. Now I feel like I am being squeezed out for some wealthy foreigner who will take my apartment, and maybe even sleep in my bed when I am on the streets. Yes, this is over-dramatizing the situation, but I am a wee bit paranoid about being homeless.

Ah well, tomorrow I am going on my first -probably of many- flat-viewing errands, I hope that this time Robert and I will get to stay in the same place for two years at least. I want to move as soon as possible and will not wait until the end of next month if I can help it, because I do not want Robert to spend another birthday in the chaos of moving.

On a happier note, today is Bastille Day, my father’s birthday : Happy Birthday Dad, and thank you for being a great father and role model. I am trying to emulate you as best as I can.

Bad News Cannot Be Broken Gently

June 29, 2009March 23, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

I found out today that a friend of mine has lost her husband in a freak accident on the weekend. He fell off a cliff in a nature reserve near Cape Town. Within seconds, a young healthy man, father of three and loving husband was reduced to a tragic statistic.

Was it only last week Sunday when I met the whole family by chance at the mall? We talked briefly and my friend told me that she was traveling with the kids to visit her family in Italy on Tuesday. Now they are all on their way back to say last goodbyes. I am guilty of anger, of thinking why him? Why, when there are so many deadbeat fathers, good-for-nothing boyfriends and abusive husbands? The short answer- there are no reasons. Those with strong faith may console themselves with saying that the Lord chooses the good people early, and perhaps this is a comforting thought. But death has no discriminatory taste; it takes the young and the old, the good and the bad, the rich and the poor, the ugly and the beautiful. It is nature’s cruel way of reminding us that we are all equal, that health, happiness and the presence of our loved ones are never to be taken for granted.

If I live long enough to see my next birthday, I will be grateful that I am living to see 40, like I am grateful to have seen 39, some people aren’t so lucky. If I do not live long enough to see my child at high school, then I should feel fortunate to have witnessed his first word, his first step and received his first hug. I am not immortal, nobody is, and fearfully I also acknowledge the mortality of my own child. I can only hope that he will outlive me. In the meantime I want to lie down to sleep next to him, and breathe his warmth and feel grateful that we are both alive.

But before that I will light a candle tonight, for a friend who is traveling through the darkness of night and the darkness of grief, to face a reality straight out of a worst nightmare. I am praying that a mother will find strength and courage to carry her children safely through it. I am praying that she will find comfort in their love as they will in hers. I am praying that one day they will all smile at the memory of a husband and a father, rather than cry at his loss.

I do not know what to say… Life is so cruel sometimes.

22 Months : Willful

June 27, 2009March 22, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Stubbornness is rearing its ugly head and my sweet little toddler is sometimes not so sweet when he insists on doing things his way.

The pattern of returning home from the day care is getting more challenging for mom as I try different trick to convince, cajole or even force Robert to head in the direction of home.. Of course he needs to show me many things along the way, the signs of the security company, where he points out the zeros and some letters he is starting to recognize (namely X and E ). Sometimes he just gets frustrated with something and throws himself on the ground which makes my patience and nerves fray.

Once we reach our gate he also has to take the keys from me and find the key himself to put in the lock. He normally takes his time, especially when I have a heavy load of groceries or when I am in a hurry to get to the bathroom. At least he learned now not to linger too long at the gate of our building because I always remind him that there is another key to turn at our front door. I have to think up new tricks and keep him interested and moving in the correct direction.

I am still learning to deal with this new toddler stage, and it is difficult sometimes to control my anger at my son’s unruliness. When he is frustrated, he sometimes gets into fits of anger, or looks me straight in the eye as he does exactly what I warned him not to. It gets hard sometimes not to respond with my own fit of temper, even when common sense tells me that it must be real tough dealing with the world from his perspective.

Today was another beautiful day in Cape Town, a welcome change after all the storms and rains. I wanted to take Robert for a walk and perhaps to the park, but we never really made it as far as the park. Once we arrived at the promenade he insisted on getting out of the stroller and pushing it. We did not make much progress because he would refuse my help in steering and then end up hitting the roadside or the garbage bins. Later he started collecting small rocks and pepples from the sidewalk and depositing them in the stroller, and of course this was the most interesting activity, and no amount of encouragement would convince him to move forward towards the playground. At sunset I took matters into my own hands and we headed back. I still needed some things from the shops and it normally gets cold once the sun sets.

Real shopping was done quite late because I made the mistake of going past the bookshop which had its winter sale, which meant that we arrived at home late and had to fast forward to bedtime routine.

A Rough Patch

June 26, 2009March 26, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

I ran into a friend yesterday as I was going back from a walk along a very cold beachfront. She said she found this blog by chance and she liked it. This is the first time I get independent feedback on my writing in this corner, and I am really pleased. She wondered -among other things- what happened after the cream cupcakes and why I have been away from this blog for so long.

The short answer is that I have been overwhelmed with so many things. I figured out this month that while I juggle so many committements and responsibilities it is impossible not to drop one ball or the other at any given time. It is challenging enough when things are running their normal course, but when things start to go wrong it is plain awful.

It all started in the middle of last month when I was called at work to get my son from school because he had pink eye. I haven’t blogged about it at the time, but this turned out to be the first of a chain of ailments. He later had diarrhea which lasted almost a week. The week after that he developed a cough, which turned out to be a pneumonia, we spent two days in the hospital for that.. soon after that he had another ailment a combination of stomach bug and sore throat with temperature.

Between the middle of May and today I visited the GP at least five times for Robert and once for myself, it has been rough. In the middle of all that I had two demanding freelance projects to work on and on some days I had to go to my day job… It was just too much.

At times like these, and I am merely human, things start to drop or come close to unraveling. I needed leave from my daytime job to attend to my son in hospital, and I had to extend both my translation and proofreading assignments. The level of care I took at the household level went to near zero. The chores that did not relate directly or indirectly to the well-being of my son were postponed indefinitely. My clothes lay in a pile, I wore the same thing two days in a row, and I ate whatever was left on Robert’s plate. I know it sounds desperate but sometimes you do what you have to do. The worst though was the lack of sleep. I survived on four to five hours of sleep a day and worked every free minute that I had..

Even within my own set of priorities things started to suffer. My son had to put up with a preoccupied mother, I arrived frequently late at my day job, I had to phone sick once, and had to leave early at least twice because of my son falling ill at school. It is small wonder under the circumstances, that I neglected this blog.

During this difficult time I also came to realize that the way I am doing things is not working. Sooner or later something is going to give, and I do not want to breakdown or loose my health. I need to be here for Robert. Some of my responsibilities and commitments need to be rethought, delegated or let go off completely. Maybe then I will have more time to devote to things that give me pleasure like blogging, knitting and reading. Amen.

The Gross Out Phenomenon

May 20, 2009March 26, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday was another day off school for Robert. He started the day with a terrible bout of diarrhea and went on like this for the rest of the day. I spent considerable amount of time at the changing table trying to prevent a leaking nappy disaster.

Scientifically, an ailment of this nature can only be caused by a virus, but I do not know why I am still blaming the cream cup cakes we both consumed greedily yesterday. I was buying our usual stuff from the supermarket when he saw these ones on the discount table and started crying out : muffin.. muffin, and of course I had to buy him something. Perhaps I made him my excuse because they were discounted and I fancied something sweet. I think next time there are more wholesome options, and I can buy him ONE bran muffin instead of a whole tray of cream cupcakes.

If it was not for another pressing translation assignment I would have enjoyed today’s break with my son a little more. It was a glorious warm autumn day with blue skies and sunshine, something that this part of the world is renowned for. I took Robert in his stroller up Victoria Road in the direction of Camps Bay and after a brief rest taking in the views of the Twelve Apostles and Clifton beaches we headed back towards our part of the world, and Robert got to walk as well on the promenade.

We do not get this fabulous weather all the time, though. This past weekend was disastrous in the Cape. The rain and gale force winds wreaked havoc in informal settlements (shanty towns) and on the Cape Flats (where flood damage is always greatest). I had quite a challenging time because I had to go to work and I was scheduled to drop off Robert with Britt’s nanny at their place. As is always the case Britt came to the rescue and offered to come and pick us up. She gave me a lift to work and back on that day too, something I only got once from my ex husband since our divorce. Compassion was never one of his strongest points.

On Sunday Robert was due to be with his father and the weather was better. I had the chance to put the laundry out in the sun for a few hours when I came back from work. My ex dropped off our son late and my poor baby was drenched in mud water from the knees down. My ex insisted that I not mention anything because Robert fell in a puddle and was very upset for at least half an hour after that. At home Robbie protested bitterly at being carried into the bath and the subsequent cleanup, but I did not sense anything was wrong, our afternoon proceeded normally with the usual bath-time and bedtime routine. I was very surprised when my ex phoned just as we were both drifting to sleep to ask how Robert was, it makes me wonder whether my ex was telling me everything about Robert’s misadventure.

Speaking of the tyke. I think he is starting the boy tradition of fascination with the gross. Whenever I change his diaper (and yesterday I had more of this experience than I care to count) he would give a comment on this, either: bum hurting (hetin) – meaning he has a nappy rash , ka ka toiten (he should have used the toilet) or just nappy on/ nappy off. Lately however he started commenting -I think- on the actual contents of the nappy.. gross. As I wrinkle my nose at the disgusting diapers and try hard to keep the squirming toddler from smearing it everywhere or putting his hands on his dirty bum he would go : “like avocado”… Yuk… Last night he volunteered: “Like Hummus” … I had a hard time fighting my gag reflex while laughing at the same time.

Mother’s Day and other Stories

May 11, 2009March 26, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday was mother’s day in this part of the world, and the weather was truly magical. We had sunshine and clear skies and a temperature of 28 degrees. On days like this it is hard to imagine living anywhere other than the beautiful Cape.

Robert went to the beach with his father in the morning, and later in the afternoon we went for a walk on the promenade and to the playground. At the playground he played on the swing for some time which is his favourite, then he insisted on going up the slide. Now this is not the little baby slide but something that goes up for about 2 meters, and my heart was up in my mouth every time he went up there. The playground was full so I could not really follow him up there, and I had to give him instructions to put both his legs forward as he sat ready to slide. Somehow he got it, but he is a careful little fellow always breaking with his foot against the sides of the slide, so it was not a very fast ride once he launched himself down. I was able to stand the suspense for three horrifying climbs and rides on the slide before I called the game off.

Looking after a little child gets easier and harder as the days go by. Now he runs ahead of me in the park and on the promenade and I have to be on the alert every single second, prepared for surprising actions. I can only relax when he is safely strapped into his stroller.

I had planned to go with Robert to a Mother’s Day lunch at the Aquarium, but I thought it was too much excitement for him after the beach. Yesterday we spent the day at home, and played in the garden, but it was a bad decision in retrospect because my little one missed his nap and got very rambunctious, throwing things around in our little flat, and basically getting on my nerves. He went to sleep at around seven but by then I was also exhausted. The only treat I got for mother’s day was a little present and card from Robert’s playschool. It was a heart-shaped pendant in a dainty little bag along with a handmade card. The teachers and the children contributed in making cards for each mom with beads glued on them. When Robert got hold of the card he managed to take off most the colourful beads, before I could caputre the present in a photo.

Thoughts on South African Politics

May 10, 2009March 22, 2013 ~ marobbie ~ Leave a comment

This weekend was a busy weekend for us here in South Africa, because we witnessed the inauguration of our fourth democratic president, Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma. Some radio stations called him the fourth democratically elected president, which in my opinion was slightly inaccurate since the third president (Kgalema Petrus Motlanthe) did not come into power as a result of a national election.

I was part of the election process on the 22nd of last month. I voted for the first time in my life. In my country of origin there was no point taking part in a referendum – it is a one party state with presidents chosen for life (and then passing the presidency on to their progeny). So I had a certain pride in making my mark here in my adopted country.

The process went on as expected with our ruling party the ANC (African National Congress) taking over 66% . Further results show that opposition parties are a fragmented lot in this country; the biggest is the DA (Democratic Alliance) receiving 16.75% of the votes followed by the new party COPE (Congress of the People) which took 7.5%. The latter party was formed by disgruntled members of the ANC who did not approve of the current leadership and went into opposition attracting a few Mbeki loyalists.

In this fourth democratic election there were only a few surprises. The ANC has lost some votes to the opposition (they came just short of a two-third majority), and the DA won absolute majority in the Western Cape Province. We now have a new Premier in the Eastern Cape : Helen Zille , leader of the DA, who was previously the mayor of Cape Town – I only found out recently that Ms Zille was an anti-Apartheid activist during the seventies, and famously uncovered the circumstance of Steve Biko‘s death when she worked as a journalist for the Rand Daily Mail. The victory of the DA in the Western Cape is important because it is the first time any party manages to wrestle an absolute majority from the ANC in any of the nine provinces.

The elections had their serious moments and their really strange ones. Here in the Western Cape I saw election posters for the Cape Party, whose major objective was to declare the Cape independent (A republic of the Western and Northern Cape) – They got 2552 votes in the provincial elections, according to these results, accounting for 0.13% of the provincial votes.

For me these elections and the subsequent events threw my adopted country in a positive light. Despite all the negative hype about corruption and rape charges and the controversy around the person of Jacob Zuma, he has made all the right noises so far throughout his inauguration and cabinet selection. He is reaching out to South Africans of all races, and vowing to build the economy and combat poverty and disease.

Yesterday I listened in to the President’s announcement of his cabinet selection. I noted that he formed a new ministry for Women, Children and People with Disabilities. To lump women and children together with the disabled may seem strange in other parts of the world, it may be b even unusual to single all these out as a separate category from the general population. However, this is a testimony of how much work is still needed before real equality is achieved in society. Our new president has charmed the majority of the population in this nation, and he is working on winning even his most bitter detractors, but how much he will achieve remains to be seen.

I can already see one bright spot though. News readers around the world will no longer have to wrestle with the name of our new president. Although former president Kgalema Motlanthe is not completely out of the picture, he is now our deputy president.